Feelings of a slave

“Well, it’s disappointing about the piercings, but I understand it doesn’t work for some people,” Master said.

It took me a moment to compose myself and say, “You’re handling it better than I am.” He went on to assure me he was disappointed, but there was nothing either of us could do about my body rejecting the metal.

At this time the slow migration of the right nipple ring is just at both openings. In November the left nipple ring’s migration was so painful within days after it began, I told Master the problem and let him know I was taking out the captive bead ring. We planned to let it heal for a year and try again. Now I no longer have that piercing to look forward to.

My body is Master’s to do with as he pleases. To take and modify into his own masterpiece. Or it was.

“You can go ahead and take out the ring.” It was as if Master had said, “Unbuckle your collar. Hand it over. Have a nice life.” I wonder if Doms, in general, understand the significance we subs/slaves put on the items we are expected to wear? Do they know we stand a little taller, believe we’re prettier, that finally, someone gets us? The changes they require us to make symbolize we are accepted, needed, wanted.

This post about my feelings, struggling to accept something I have no control over and in no way am I trying to undermine or question Master’s authority. I mentioned that I felt naked, less attractive when I had to take the left nipple ring out. He tried to soothe my fears, tell me some people only wear one nipple ring and it was okay. But what now? Now that my body won’t take the outer labia rings he planned, the septum ring? My only consolation is the clithood piercing healed perfectly and my body is not rejecting it. It’s all I can do not to cry over such a small but significant loss.

When Master asked me to get the septum piercing, I purchased a few fake ones to test, to see what he might like, and for me to get used to the idea of wearing a ring in my nose. His question, “Will you wear a ring in your nose full-time for me?” Made my heart soar. It solidified his ownership, that he was interested in me, wanted me. That I was becoming more of the slave he wanted to create. I knew I pleased him when I replied, “Yes, Sir.”

Now, I no longer live up to his desired standard. I am not good enough to be called his slave. Knowing at some point I will have to remove the right nipple ring makes me feel Master isn’t attracted to me. He’ll reject me like my body rejects the symbols that tell me and the world I am his.

These are all my thoughts. Master has not indicated I am less or unwanted. I need you to understand Master has in no way said he’s through with me. Yet, I cannot separate the fact I that once I take out this last nipple ring, I’ll no longer belong to Master.

I wanted to follow up on this post. Since my allergy to metal causes the piercings to migrate, today he suggested I get a tattoo. It’s not the first time we talked about this. I have refused because I promised my late husband I would never put a tattoo on my body.

Now you need to know, I’ve wanted one for years. But a promise is something I do my best to keep. However, as Master says, my husband is no longer alive and it’s him, Master’s, desires I should be concerned with.

After some discussion, see the next post. The discussion came with three orgasms for me sitting in my car in a public place. Thank you, Master. Anyway, I agreed. As I said, I’ve always wanted a tattoo. What Master asked me to get isn’t as important as the fact that once I arrived home the first thing I did was research if my body would accept the ink.

It will not.

Tattoo ink is filled with metal, zinc, copper, nickel, carbon. All items I know I’m allergic to. Once again, the feelings I’ve discussed in the paragraphs above assaulted me.

I won’t bore you with them once more. It’s going to take a long time for me to believe I’m attractive enough for Master.

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