Their Pleasure

I love reading BDSM romances as much as I do writing them.

However, the most popular BDSM romances portray Doms making sure their subs’ needs are taken care of first isn’t the norm of the majority in real life. Romances are predominantly read by women. They want the fantasy that their needs are put above all others. I understand that need myself.

My entire life has been servicing others, putting them first. So it’s not unrealistic for them, and me to long for that type of relationship. We want a happily-ever-after fairy tale between the characters.

The life I and countless other subs’ live is vastly different. My Masters’ needs come first.

What they want from me, their desires, their pleasure, and more come before mine. My life is all about my Masters. Now, that isn’t to say I’m not taken care of. Both Masters fulfill my emotional, mental, and physical needs.

This theme will continue with several posts. My submission won’t come from one command, or an assignment, or me giving and being denied.

I’m talking about a mindset. This week it’s about me wrapping my mind to give them what they command of me through their pleasure.

It has taken years for me to get to this point. I understand their pleasure doesn’t mean I sacrifice all my needs, and none of mine are met. What it means is to let go and realize their pleasure is my obedience. Whether it’s immediate or waiting as you read about in this post.

I always pushed Master Tyrone take care of my needs on my time and terms. Letting that go, giving up that control, and ceding it over to him took a lot of lessons.

If you haven’t read my post on the contract I signed with my Masters, I encourage you to do so. Part of me changed immediately, but I’m still learning to not push incessantly for them to meet my needs right away.

Two weeks ago, Master Tyrone was extremely busy. He didn’t give me more than one orgasm. We didn’t talk for more than a few minutes, and he didn’t call me on his way home from work. He was too busy for us to get together.

I haven’t shared before that I need to talk to Master Tyrone on his way home from work every day. It is a need that I know stems from losing my late husband. It doesn’t bother me that I don’t hear from Master Michael like that. It might change as we navigate further into our own Master/slave territory.

When Master Tyrone lets several days and more than a week go by without talking to me at night, I panic. It’s irrational because he called me during the day, and three days that week, at least two times. Still, I need to hear his voice or see him at the end of the day. It’s so I know he’s safe and, of course, that he’s thinking of me.

In the past, I would have allowed my need to spiral out of control and let my fears take over, and I would have texted him and used passive-aggressive hints and emails questioning why he ignored me.

I didn’t this last time. Every time panic set in, I reviewed our call log. I reread text messages. I noted times and days. Do you know what? During my fear, my mind conjured up things that weren’t true. Master Tyrone had spoken to me longer than the five to ten minutes my mind insisted that was all he gave me. He had given me more than one orgasm that week, and we’d texted back and forth on many items. He even responded to emails I sent him and Master Michael about keeping my hair a certain length.

Last week, my Masters made a point of caring for my needs. I have a high sex drive, so I truly want it all; emotional, mental, and physical. Master Tyrone’s mindfucks often do all three. Master Michael’s impact play allows me to stop overthinking. They took care of all three, though they made me wait until the end of last week for orgasms.

Reminding myself that they’re capable men and know what I need, I gave up control, I didn’t push, worry, or let my emotions get out of hand.

I still struggle. I’ll have setbacks, but submitting in this way gave me peace of mind I’d never had before.

Letting them give me what I needed in their way, their timeframe was worth the wait.