Alone

I apologize for the interruption of posts. Last week was hectic. Add in the long weekend for the Labor Day holiday, and I was busier with real life than I’d planned.

I had a great post in mind. Sadly, I cannot remember it now.

Lately, my Masters have focused on day to day requirements, staying within protocols. Exercise, writing, marketing, and sticking to my diet.

They are just as busy as I am. Our respective jobs have taken precedence and neither have had time to give me great mindfucks, orgasms, or see me in person.

In the past, I would have acted up. I do have a bratty side. If you’re in the BDSM lifestyle, you know the test we take to see our BDSM personalities. I scored 2nd highest as a Brat just behind 100% submissive.

I was surprised. They give me a command, and I do my best to take care of what they want right away. However, I knew I was an attention hog. Both were informed immediately of that trait. I have a ton of needs: talk to me, praise me, give me orgasms, see me, take care of me in and out of our kink and fetish times. The list goes on, and usually I am extremely vocal of letting them know how I’m feeling and needing.

Which I normally do when they’re busy.

Since we signed the contract, I am better. This last month, I didn’t tell them when we talked, or emailed them or texted them my feelings.

You need to know, my Masters have been busy since early June. I’ve seen them once this summer. We have spoken, I’ve texted them, and emailed them things they’ve requested. They’re giving me attention, but not to the extent they normally do.

Phone calls that are less than five minutes and two to three times a week isn’t enough.

By the beginning of August, I began feeling needy. It’s physical as well as mental. I don’t do well without orgasms. The more I have or even if my Masters edge me, without letting me come, gives me the endorphin rush I need to get through the day, week, month, etc. It’s also emotional. I thrive on my relationship with them. Their voices calm the side of me that worries they’re not there. It stems from losing my husband. Hearing their voices reassures me their still alive.

They laugh at me about this, but neither one has had to deal with the death of a long-term past submissive or significant other.

As always, my need started small, then grew.

I wanted more time with each of them on the phone. I needed to hear their voices at the end of the day for longer periods of time. For them to answer my text messages faster. To tell me you think I’m pretty without hair. The list goes on.

I did’n’t bother them. I didn’t let those feelings grow out of proportion. I calmed the needy beast inside of me, letting her know all was well. They’re aren’t through with me. It helped until the long holiday weekend.

Tuesday I emailed them and let them know my neediness had reached the breaking point. That I needed playtime with one or both of them.

Master Tyrone called first. “So you’re out of sorts?” he casually asked.

“Yes, Sir. I have been for a month now.”

I’ve known him long enough that I immediately knew I’d shocked him. I felt his silent surprise over the phone. He reminded me how busy he’d been this summer. I agreed and hastened to assure him I wasn’t complaining. (I have often in the past).

We talked a bit longer. He was so good to give me several orgasms over the phone. He ended the call and went to a meeting, and I began searching for men to play with per his requirement.

The short mindfuck and several orgasms centered me, allowing me to focus on the task at hand.

Submission requires acceptance. And I have accepted their control a lot better than taking control of items neither Master can. Accepting being alone, relying on myself, finding ways to entertain myself has been the hardest of all.

I doubt I’ll ever fully enjoy complete aloneness. I guess if I did, I wouldn’t need my Doms. And I’d rather have them than not.